Non Parlo l'italiano... Ancora

Unless you are a linguist, the biggest challenge when traveling to a foreign country is trying to make yourself understood. Unlike most Europeans, Americans generally just speak one language fluently... English.  Unfortunately, I am your typical American traveler.

I speak English... and English only.  Two years of intense Spanish verb conjugation with Sister  Veronica resulted in absolutely no understanding of verb conjugation and a very pronounced Catalan accent (Sister was from the Catalan area of Spain) which makes any Spanish I do manage to remember, virtually unrecognizable to your average Spanish speaking individual. 

 My two years with Mrs. Ratajczak, another Spaniard but, with a  Polish name, produced only my ability to recite a riveting dialogue between Juan and Maria about meatballs and the library.  I do not even  remember my year in college. Apparently it was so unproductive I have completely blocked it from my mind.   So as one can tell, clearly, a linguist I am not!

When I went to Paris, I prepped by learning to  say "Do you speak English?" and "I do not speak French."  But, my pronunciation was embarrassingly bad.  it was so bad, that I was laughed at regularly when trying to order meals anywhere in Paris.  I was laughed at so often that I took to buying a baguette, cheese and a bottle of wine and dining in most nights.  I don't think that if I live to be 100 I will ever get the hang of swallowing all the consonants that are required to speak French fluently.

I fared much better in Portugal. Since almost everyone speaks English I was saved the humiliation of trying to speak Portuguese. Portuguese is surprisingly hard to speak with lots of "zwah" sounds in it.  While I abandoned hope of learning ANY Portuguese, I was happy that my research provided an answer to a question dating back to when I visited my father's relatives 45 years ago.  My father's aunt called him something that sounded like "Zwon- zing" which I learned was actually "Little John" in Portuguese... I think!

So, here I am prepping for another trip to yet another foreign country. Ah Italian... seriously, how hard can it be?  I bought some audio tapes for the car, and Deidre bought me the Italian Rosetta Stone.  Girded with all the linguistic resources available,  I have vowed to master the language before I leave on August 29. This time I am doing much, much better than my previous attempts to become multilingual.   For example,  I have already learned the following:  "Piachere" .. pleased to meet you.  "Vorrei un bicchiere di vino blanco, per favore" ... I'd like a glass of white wine, please.  And my favorite: "Vedo cinque verde bicicletta"  ... I see five green bicycles. Now the only question is: How can I bring up five green bicycles in a city where bicycles are prohibited?